"This book is not a how-to guide… but if it were, it would be incredibly effective."
Ever notice how some things are just… easier to take? From hotel robes to workplace pens, office biscuits to wine glasses at art galleries, the modern world is cluttered with small, unattended, unguarded treasures.
 
In this irreverent yet strangely enlightening guide, our anonymous author—a veteran of both pocketed goods and philosophical debates—walks readers through the ethics, psychology, and unexpected artistry of everyday appropriation. But beyond the cheeky laughs and “how-not-to-get-caught” wisdom, the book asks a deeper, more provocative question: what actually is theft?
 
Amongst the areas explored are:
 
Low-Risk Larceny
A categorized list of “unmissed” items—from café teaspoons to lost-and-found sunglasses. If no one claims it… does it still count?
 
The Hospitality Heist
Why hotels are treasure troves for everything from mini shampoos to entire throw pillows. (Bonus: a ranking of which chain hotels are the most “souvenir-friendly.”)
 
Return Policy Piracy
How major retailers accidentally incentivize you to “borrow” household items and then return them 29 days later—plus a guide to navigating the fine print.
 
The Free Sample Economy
From skincare counters to food courts, discover how to live like royalty on a buffet of samples, tasters, testers, and trial-sized indulgences.
 
Libraries, Loopholes & Lost Property
A brief history of overdue books that were never coming back, and the strange places where "forgotten" items become free for the taking.
 
Robin Hood or Retail Menace?
A playful but pointed look at the idea of stealing from the rich to give to the slightly less rich. Does corporate theft even count as theft when profits come from exploited labor and underpaid workers?
 
Redefining Theft: Marx, Markets & Moral Panic
Here the gloves come off. Referencing the famous anarchist slogan “All Property is Theft” and Marxist critiques of capital, this chapter questions why the state polices shoplifting with such fervor, while wage theft, gentrification, and tax avoidance get a corporate shrug. Who’s really robbing whom?
 
Workplace Wonders
Ever brought your own pens to work and left with fewer than you started? This chapter will make you feel better about it.
 
Gray Zones & Glorious Excuses
Charging your phone in a store. Taking extra napkins. Leaving with the office stapler on your last day. If morality is a spectrum, this is the warm, cozy middle.
 
A Kleptomaniac’s Guide to Easy Things to Steal is a mischievous manual for modern mischief—but also a smart, subversive invitation to rethink what “stealing” really means in a world where value is unevenly distributed and ownership is often just power by another name.
There is no price printed on this book.
If that bothers you, you probably shouldn’t be reading it.
If it delights you—well, you know what to do.